This is a scary world.
More than three hundred people died from a terrorist attack of Malaysian airlines MH17. Its like watching a disaster movie only it was so real and so tragic. There was no hero to save those people. There was no last call to cancel the attack. There was no last minute change of trajectory. There was only the bomb. There was only the explosion. There was only the cries of those who are on that plane.
What would I think if I was there? What would it mean to my view about life knowing that for a matter of seconds I’ll be meeting my death? Would it matter though? It is a scary world we live in. People killing other people for their beliefs and idealism. People killing people, not for survival but for dominance. Senseless death for senseless reasons.
There are those among us who would go to so much length to prove their point, even when their point is wrong. There are those who become blinded by their beliefs of the correctness of their ideals that everyone else is dispensable.
I think no life is ever dispensable. No one is inconsequential. This is a scary world.
Goals can frustrate you.
The thing is, we keep setting goals but nothing seems ever enough. We set goals, we attain them and then we set another goal. There seems to be a disconnect between satisfaction in terms of outward success and satisfaction in terms of personal fulfillment. We don’t reach a point of fulfillment. We keep adjusting and readjusting what we aim for. Then after awhile, we ask, why are we not happy?
This is no novel idea but I just thought it might be worth sharing. We can listen to our inner voice and search deep within what we really want and make it our goal in everything we do.
It has been said that there is a wisdom hidden within us that can serve as compass for our desires and goals in life. What do I want? I want to be happy. I want to feel beauty. I want to feel appreciation. I want to feel useful.
While I am keeping these goals in mind, I can then decide and act accordingly. My inner desire for happy, beauty, appreciation and useful leads my thoughts and my actions.
I suppose you have heard this taught before. I had an epiphany and was surprised how the answers are all right in front of me.
Nothing is more crippling than self-doubt.
All the past decisions I made felt like they happened out of impulse. Out of my desire to make something happen to my life, I cooked up ideas of great adventures and jumped on them on a precarious point: when I am between doubt and certainty. It is that tipping point when you are about to make a decision. But instead of choosing which side to jump on, you let the wind blow you to a direction you have no solid belief on.
Falling on a side on that proverbial fence will, at first, give us elation and a sense that finally, something is about to happen. While my subconscious may be aware of the turmoil of indecision, I pushed them back thinking that this here now is what I have always wanted all along. But no journey is eternally smooth. And that indecision will come to the surface and I will have no choice but to confront it.
Looking at the face of indecision is like looking at your self-doubt taking solid and ominous form. Its smirking face looking at you like that kid in grade-school who caught you doing something prohibited and is waiting to tell the teacher about it. You wanted to slap that smirk off its face but you’re too afraid to make a move because you risk making more trouble for yourself. And so the fear grips you, holding you at an unpleasant spot, full of torment and frustration.
Maybe the cure for self-doubt and indecision is out there waiting for me to discover.